Is "No Kids Ever" a Relationship Deal Breaker?

My guy friend A. is madly in love with a woman who has clearly stated that she doesn't want kids. Not ever. He's always pictured himself as a dad, but for whatever reason, she has decided that parenthood is not for her. This wasn't always the case. She was never dead set on being a mom, but she wasn't ruling it out. Now it's not even up for discussion.


I know that for many women, this relationship issue can be the ultimate deal breaker. I've been dreaming about being a mom all my life (although as I get older, I can see why certain people might not). Still, part of me feels sad that A. would give up having children for a woman, though it's not for me to say. Also, I wonder if and how it's different for men. Apparently it's not a deal breaker for this one guy. He said he'd rather spend his life with her than procreate and that he's happy to be the "cool uncle" to other people's kids. I'm not certain if he truly feels this way or if he's trying to convince himself otherwise, but I'm happy to support his decision to stay with her. I just hope he doesn't regret it.


What would you do if you were A.? Would it be a deal breaker for you if the guy you were dating didn't want kids? What about if he first said he wasn't sure and then told you he was against it?

10 Stellar Responses to Use the Next Time Some Rude Person Asks, "Why Are You Still Single?"

You know when you’re at a party or family function and just as you stuff a piece of cheese in your mouth, someone asks you why you don’t have a boyfriend? Well girls, whatever the reason, you're not alone; #iamsinglebecause is trending on Twitter, and guess what? The answers are pretty universal.

How to Heal a Broken Heart...in Just 24 Hours?! (If This Really Works, Sign Me Up!)

Anyone who's been through a breakup knows just how hard it is to get over. So what if I told you that in one day, someone could help you fix your broken heart? I’m assuming the sound I just heard was a lot of hands shooting in the air and people yelling "Pick me, pick me!"

British spa ILA has been running a 24-hour detoxing course (not to be confused with Ariane’s “man fast”) and one woman, Lucy Cavendish, is reporting on her experience for the Daily Mail. After the breakup of her 11-year marriage, she felt devastated and afraid of her future as a single mother, so she turned to spa founder Denise Leicester.

Leicester says that the point of the detox day is to be nurtured (so don't worry about crying during a massage) and to break the self-destructive patterns that women tend to have. The 24-hour experience includes realigning the chakras through massage, yoga, Nordic walking, and a session of what's called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). EFT focuses on tapping fingers on various parts of your body while repeating certain statements. The idea is to interrupt your thought pattern and release bad energy.

Is it really possible to make a major emotional change in just one day? I don’t know. It seems a little too good to be true, but the author did report back that after a week, she felt a release of fear and a major sense of calm. If one day doesn't seem like enough, there is also a 5-day retreat offered. Of course, most of us probably can't spring for a day of pricey spa treatments (um, not to mention travel costs to England). In a fantasy world where I make a lot more money, however, I would be completely intrigued by the idea of a detox treatment to stop the painful patterns that can develop during a breakup--panicking, feeling worthless and out of control, blaming yourself, etc. Feeling that way creates a vicious cycle that can make it seem impossible to move forward in your life. If it could help break that cycle, then focusing on healing your mind and your body sounds like the best kind of post-breakup splurge I can imagine.

What's the Biggest Lie You've Heard (Or Told) Before Sex?

We Smitten bloggers are just loving the hashtag situation on Twitter today. As Ariane noted, there are some awesome #IAmSingleBecause Tweets going around. And now, inspired by Twitter's #liesbeforesex, I'd pose to you this question: what's the biggest pre-coital fib you've heard (or told!)?

I was reaching for a "Pinocchio's nose" boner pun there, but I just couldn't pull one out today. Anyway! This trending topic on Twitter reminds me of this gag in Trey Parker and Matt Stone's Team America, NSFW and therefore unable to be linked here, where the (puppet!) protagonist and love interest are divulging their feelings for one another. She is hesitant because she had lost her (also puppet!) ex-boyfriend in battle.

"If you could tell me you'll never die, I'd make love to you right now."
"I promise," he says, "I will never die."

So there's a good one to start. Here are some more Tweets on the subject of lies before sex:

Relationship DO or DON'T: Going Into Business With Your Dude

There is something undeniably romantic to me about becoming business partners with your man but, unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out to be roses and rainbows...

Sometimes I think the idea of working together is AMAZING—you love spending time with one another and you have similar sensibilities about how things should be done, so why not team up? One of my favorite older couples has been married for 45 years and has worked together just as long. The two of them own an antiques business; he handles the restoration and day-to-day operations, and she takes care of the books. They have a good thing going, although I'm sure they, too, have had their struggles.

On the other hand, I've also heard horror stories on how it can end up tearing a couple apart. Life is stressful enough and bringing work issues into your relationship can easily spell disaster. It seems like just more fodder for fights, no?

Thoughts?

Getting to Know You: Let's Talk About Asexuality (a.k.a. the Other 1 Percent)

Can you imagine having absolutely no interest in sex? David Jay, asexual founder of online community AVEN (Asexual Visibility And Education Network), explained his experience to The Atlantic.

Although it's perhaps the only thing that Paula Poundstone, Janeane Garofalo, Tim Gunn, Edward Gorey, and J.M. Barrie allegedly have in common, before Jay became a spokesperson for asexuality, there was no collective voice of the little-known sexual orientation. According to a 2004 study, asexuals make up an estimated 1 percent of our adult population.

Jay clarifies the major difference between celibacy and asexuality: while celibate people abstain from sex despite their desire to have it, asexuals run the gamut from being completely disgusted by sex to simply indifferent. When Jay came of age, he remembers feeling like something was "broken" in him when his classmates began dating and discussing hot movie stars. Mark Carrigan, a researcher at the University of Warwick in the U.K., tells The Atlantic that Western culture's "...assumptions about sex are so ingrained, that if you're sexual you don't notice them. But asexual people do notice them, because their experiences don't fit." So basically, the ubiquity of a sex drive causes asexuals to feel isolated. It was only after Jay began his outreach that thousands of people came out of the woodwork to identify as asexual, and he hopes that the "third wave" of awareness is approaching to include asexuality among the "normal" sexual dispositions. Jay makes a very convincing case about how heteronormative standards limit our tolerance:

"Freud originally defined libido as lust for life, not lust for sex... He talked about libido manifesting in sexual desire, but not exclusively. For a lot of people, sexuality serves as an essential metaphor for that desire to live or desire to connect."

As far as I'm concerned, it's hard to not have empathy for people like this--imagine all that self-consciousness in high school, and all the "You just haven't met the right person" cr*p they have to go through in adulthood. That's just as bad as telling a gay man that he hasn't met the right girl, no

10 Reasons You Should Date the Boy from Back Home

If you and a cute guy from your elementary school/middle school/high school end up in the same city as adults, don’t dismiss him as a potential boyfriend—it’s totally worth a try. Here’s why.

1.Your Parents Already Know Him
And of course they love him! The last time they saw him he was going through his adorable, innocent phase. (Well… unless he wasn’t. But everyone deserves a second chance!) Plus, he still calls your mom “Mrs. Whatever.”


2. He’s Seen It All
He knows your old AIM name was ILOVEDOLPHINS. He remembers that dog collar necklace you never took off. He knows you had, like, no friends in high school. And he doesn’t care.


3. Hometown References
Just bring up a popular restaurant or store, and say no more—he’s on the same page as you. The story about that time you “barfed all over the place at Tequila Pancho’s” takes on a deeper meaning. You both crave Skyline chili (Cincinnati) or Beau Jo’s pizza (Denver) or whatever.


4. You Have Friends In Common
From way, way back. Not only can you talk about them, but they can act as a support system in your relationship.


5. You Can Go Home Together
Oh man, you have to go home for Easter again this year? Well now it’s fun, because your boyfriend does, too. Two birds, one stone.


6. It Bonds You
If you’re from a place that’s the butt of every joke (the same town in New Jersey, some random town in West Virginia) you might have a sense of pride for it that nobody else will understand. You know how it feels when you get someone’s number and your ears perk when you hear they have the same area code as you, and it’s from your hometown? That’s because even if you hate your hometown, you kind of like it. At least you get it.


7. You Have Adorable Pictures Of You Together
From when you were 14. “Look at us! What the hell were we wearing?!”


8. You Had The Same Teachers In School
So you did the same physics projects, read the same books, and have the same dumb methods for remembering the periodic table. Having those quirky things in common is a huge bonus.


9. You Can Totally Call Them On Their Bullsh*t
“You weren’t on the lacrosse team!” “You did too have braces!” “You totally had a mullet.” “Your mom volunteered for everything in school!” “Remember that time you farted in church?” “Why did you date that TOTALLY RANDOM PERSON that one time?” Come on, this stuff keeps us real.


10. Oh, Come On. You’re Just Similar.
And you don’t really know why. But it’s kind of awesome.


Are you dating the guy from back home?

The Ladies' Guide to Catching and Keeping Your Booty Call

Sometimes, when you find yourself the more interested party in an ongoing casual sex thing, especially if you're relatively inexperienced and self-conscious, it's totally normal to feel... ogre-ish. Like a frat boy. A frat boy in a designer skirt. And if you've only recently become "friends with benefits" with some dude, you're still not sure how aggressive is too aggressive (and a turn-off). Which leads to all kinds of shenanigans. For example, the following text message exchange:

LADY: "What are you doing?"
GUY: "Ugh totally overloaded with work. I wish I could sleep, I just have so much stuff I have to finish."
LADY: "Oh. I was hoping we could have pants-off time."
(5-minute silence during which lady imagines how douchey that might sound if genders were reversed.)
LADY: "Ew, no, I'm sorry for saying that, Is that tacky?
LADY: "OMG I'm a pig."
LADY: "It's just a stress reliever for me, you know?"
LADY: "You should stop being so good at it, then. Get braces or something."
LADY: "forget this whole one-sided exchange ever happened XOXO"
GUY: "does Thursday work for you?"
LADY: "I have to check my calendar."
LADY: "yes."

Luckily for you guys, I've learned some tips the hard way about how to pull off instigating a hookup. And how not to attempt to pull it off. All, of course, conditional on whether you actually have feelings for the dude, and are willing to play mind games to win him over emotionally, but let's assume you don't/aren't.

Pick someone on the periphery of your social life. Preferably not your friend's sibling, but definitely someone you can run into at parties and make out with in stairwells. There's slightly more at stake socially than there is with a stranger, but not so much as there is with someone you'd actually define as a friend.

And also, not someone who makes you nervous! No butterflies should live in your stomach or anywhere around him, really. At least in my experience, that means that I'm somewhat emotionally and physically invested is the guy, and nothing spells the end of a booty-call relationship quite like feelings. Anyway, being relaxed leads to unforced sexytime fun, and fun leads to orgasms, and orgasms are yayyyy.

Tryyyy not to kiss and tell. Just 'cause. If you're both open to other people, and you've got a lot of friends in common, that kind of blows up his spot.

Keep the drunk-texting to a minimum unless it has an actual purpose. Occasionally, it's fine and fun, but bear in mind that unless you're making plans to hang out and/or do it, it's sort of pointless, no?

Don't do the high-heel-and-skirt stuff with him. Oh, gosh, the best part of this is that you can roll up in a pair of Converse and jeans and eschew all that other stuff. Plus, then the mutual casual thing is visually established. Nothing worse than arriving at his place all dolled up and finding him in a pizza-stained t-shirt with greasy hair.

Eat in bed! Watch sh*tty movies! OK, actually this is the best part. Don't take it seriously! No soft gazes or meals in restaurants or talking about what colleges y'all went to!

And the sleeping-over thing... To be honest, I don't recommend it, but it's nice if he offers to let you stay or vice-versa, especially if it's super-late and your houses are really far apart. If a guy's kicking you out right after you're done, not the classiest move.

Have you Ever Flirted for a Freebie?

This is not my proudest moment. I'm not one to shake my a** to get a free drink at the bar; I'm not even a good flirt (I never really got the "hair toss" down.) But apparently, I'll use my feminine wiles to try and save a hundred bucks.

I recently bought a car, and anyone who knows NYC knows that parking in this fine city is a pain.The only way to deal with being a full-time, car-owning resident whose life doesn't revolve around parking rules is to rent a spot in a garage. And garages are expensive! Last week I called around to find one that wouldn't cost more than most people's rent (trickier than you might think!), and many of the people I spoke to said it would be better to negotiate in person. So I did what I rarely, if ever, do: I slipped into a tight pair of jeans, propped up my boobs, put on makeup and turned on the charm—all in order to save some cash.

It worked. Kinda. I didn't save a hundred bucks, but I was able to soften the stern and not-so-friendly manager into cutting me a deal. On the phone, he mentioned that there was a waiting list and that most likely he wouldn't have anything for me. Then I showed up and he changed his story. Safe to say, I walked away with a space, but I felt a little strange. Part of me knows this dynamic is just the way of the world, but another part of me felt gross for manipulating the situation by acting "girly."

What do you think?

Morning Discovery: I Found a Gray Hair—and it's Not on my Head!!

Please excuse me for a moment while I discuss my aging nether regions

There is almost nothing sexier to me than a guy with salt and pepper hair. It's one of the many, many perks of dating an older man. Of course, I'm still on the fence about my own gray hair, although I've begun to embrace the fact that I need to hit the salon every two months to deal with the increasing number of wiry strands poking out from my part. But Father Time is no fool. He's got a message to send and now he's using--forgive my bluntness--my pubes as his medium! This morning, I found not one, but two gray hairs sticking out like antennas from my lady parts. Pinky. Swear.

I knew this day would come, though I didn't know how I'd feel. But guess what? It's honestly not so bad. Perhaps the grays up top have prepared me for this moment. There's no way to fight aging (and I have no desire to reach for the dye). The truth is that at 33, I am finally getting used to this "aging" thing. I think all the murmurings about women coming into their own in their thirties is right on. I've never been happier and felt more settled than I do right now. So, bring it on, Father Time! Just please, please don't bring it on all at once.

This may not be my most embarrassing hookup tale; when it comes to my embarrassing sex encounters, the well never runs dry. No, I didn't ask him to dress up as Link or anything, but I was kind of drunk, and what I said actually might have been even weirder, if that's possible.

More recently than I care to admit, I went on a few dates with this guy--actually, this man, because being 30 makes you a man, right?--despite my glaring lack of dating protocol from the get-go. On our third date, we bar-hopped until midnight, and, nervous ferret that I am, I spent the evening pounding drinks (are you sensing a theme?). After more than enough liquid courage, I invited him up. We did some stuff and at some point he stood up to take off his pants. (I'm still on the bed and eye-level with his thighs at this point.)
I don't know what was going through my mind. I do know that I'm kind of an abstract thinker, and also had a few drinks in me, but that hardly explains, um, this:

ME: You know what guys' thighs remind me of?

MAN WHO IS THIRTY AND OVER IT: Uh... no, tell me.

ME: Did you ever play Legend of Zelda on Nintendo 64? You remember that giant field you ride around on with the horse outside that town and it seems like the field never ends, because they programmed it to seem that way? And you just ride around on the horse?

MAN WHO IS THIRTY AND OVER IT WHO TAKES CARE OF A DOG AND IS THEREFORE RESPONSIBLE: And that reminds you of... thighs?

ME: Guy's thighs, yeah.

MAN WHO IS THIRTY AND OVER IT WHO TAKES CARE OF A DOG AND IS THEREFORE RESPONSIBLE AND ALSO WENT TO HARVARD GRADUATE SCHOOL, BY THE WAY: I'm not following.

ME: Because they're so vast...?

MAN WHO IS THIRTY AND OVER IT WHO TAKES CARE OF A DOG AND IS THEREFORE RESPONSIBLE AND ALSO WENT TO HARVARD GRADUATE SCHOOL, BY THE WAY (WHOM I WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN): What?

Needless to say, it did not work out between me and this person, which is fine, because I am way too busy rescuing Ruto the Zora princess from the belly of Lord Jabu-Jabu. FML.

Advice? Should I move to Sunnyvale, California? Would I still have struck out with a Magic: The Gathering reference? Tell me an equally embarrassing nerd-sex tale to console me? (Help.)

Sex Challenge: Try These Boyfriend-Approved Kinky Things this Weekend

Who’s feeling kinky? Frisky, raunchy, saucy? Just me? Well, my friends, I got my hands on a copy of The Book of Kink: Sex Beyond the Missionary by Eva Christina, and I’ve been doing a little reading. OK, a lot of reading. And I’ve scoped out the least scary, couple-friendly, kinky things to try this weekend. Give one (or more) a go!

Behold, my top picks from the almighty kink book to try this weekend and what my trooper (ha!) of a boyfriend, J, has to say about 'em:

1. Acousticophilia: “Sounds are sexually arousing, whether it’s grunting, music or the simple click of a nail against a desk. Of course, there are certain types of music that are sexually provocative, but some may get more in tune with it than others.”

My take - Maybe I can simply be a little more vocal during sexy time? Or, maybe we can get a little romantic and make a sexy time playlist. J is the music man, he should be able to put something together!

J's take - Whenever you dull one sense, the others are heightened... I think I'm more into the blindfold thing myself, but I guess this could be interesting.

2. Vincilagnia (or Rope Bondage): “Tying up someone can be a thrill, for both the tied up and the one who ties.”

My take - I have a set of pink, furry handcuffs at home with J’s name on them. In our relationship, he’s usually the dominant one, but I think this weekend that’s going to change.

J's take - Is it Saturday yet?

3. Sploshing: “This fetish is all about doing everything possible with food, from sitting in it, to rolling around in it, or throwing it. The people into this fetish don’t mind cream pies thrown in their faces or sitting in water or juice. Anything food goes, except eating it. Splosh!”

My take - I think I’m a little too much of a neat freak for this one. I hate the idea of getting messy. BUT, J and I have yet to whip out the whipped cream for foreplay...

J's take - I feel like this is one of those ideas that would look good on paper but in practice it's just messy and gross.

4. Uniform Fetish: “It’s not surprising that people get turned on by someone in uniform, whether it’s a fireman, French maid or cheerleader….Much of it stems from the idea that an authoritative or a submissive figure is taking or giving up control.”

My take - OK, I know J will definitely, definitely approve of this one. First of all, he’s a sucker for sexy outfits. Second, he LOVED this schoolgirl outfit I busted out a couple months ago. Maybe it’s time to bring back my best "Hit Me Baby" Britney impression.

J's take -YES! I am a sucker for the outfits... but who isnt! Again, is it Saturday yet?

5. Balloon Fetish (or Looner): “Balloons make children happy. They also make many adults happy. Whether it’s touching, smelling, inflating, popping or just playing with them, people get sexually turned on by balloons.”

My take - Umm, yikes! J and I are going to skip this one. But you should check out The Book of Kink if you want to read more options like this!

J's take - A definite skip... the only latex that hits our bed will be on my junk.

So, did you learn any new vocab lessons? Do you think you'd try any of these boyfriend-friendly kinky moves this weekend? Are you a fan of kink or are you a little more conservative when it comes down to it? Do you have any other kinky faves?

It Could Take Just Fifty Seconds a Day to Solve Your Relationship Issues! Find Out How!

Although we've had our issues with Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's expert opinion on the accidental "I love you" (because OCCAM'S RAZOR, GUYS!), this time the San Francisco Chronicle's resident love therapist actually provides some useful, non-rage-inducing advice in this article!

Even if you don't have all day to cuddle, according to Dr. Bonnie, you must maintain the healthy foundation of a relationship with daily physical affirmations. However small, they're essential in solving relationship issues, especially for married folks! Which brings us to this question: how long should we be kissing and hugging our S.O.'s every morning to keep the essential fires a'burning? According to the doctor, we should be aiming for a twenty-second kiss rather than a quick before-work peck to jog the affection levels in our brain. And when it comes to hugging, thirty seconds in a clinch with your beau will do in order to make you both feel protected and safe, keep you bonded with your S.O. and face the day knowing he (or she) has got your back.

4 Ways Exercise Has Improved My Sex Life

Despite the fact that I've never had a coregasm (and I'm still waiting for it), going to the gym has done wonders for my sex life.

Lately, I've been sluggish and felt out of shape so I've been hitting the gym harder to make myself feel better. And, ooh boy, the payoff has been more amazing than I could have imagined. Here are four ways exercise has improved my sexy time.

I feel sexier.
I love to be naked, but in the last few months, let’s just say I haven’t been so psyched about the texture of certain body parts. There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of hooking up and being distracted by a dimple of fat you swore wasn’t there last year. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, I have one word for you: Yoga. I'm not sure what it is about this ancient discipline that produces immediate results, but it's a freakin' miracle as far as I'm concerned.


I've got moves.
I’m stronger and more flexible, so assuming positions where I have to “work” isn’t nearly as hard as it’s been in the past. There have been many, many times where I’ve pulled a muscle in bed. And I can tell you from experience, nothing makes you feel like a sexual cripple like screaming "My BACK!!" mid-thrust. The lesson here? Core strength is NOT to be underrated.


I can last longer.
I never thought of myself as the lazy type in bed, but I was headed that way. I can’t tell you how much I detest running. It hurts my knees and makes me want to puke, but after consistently upping my cardio, I’m not panting and sweating after ten minutes of hooking up. (Yes, I was probably more out of shape than I wanted to admit).


My head is clearer.
Cardio isn’t just good for endurance, it’s good for my overactive noggin'. I know I'm not present when I’m obsessing over what people may have said behind my back or when AMC plans to replay this week's episode of Mad Men. Working out and breaking a sweat puts my mind at ease and let’s me actually enjoy the precious minutes of sexy time.

The Effects of Alcohol on Sexiness: Science Proves What You've Observed Every Friday Night For Years

Beer goggles: They may have the strongest effect when you're looking in the mirror.

Sexy and they know it (well, maybe)

French scientists conducted experiments both in a bar and in a lab to test the relationship between alcohol and being too sexy for your shirt, so sexy it hurts. First, drinkers were asked to assess their own attractiveness on a scale of one to ten. The results showed that the higher their alcohol intake (based on a breathalyzer), the higher their opinions of themselves. Fairly unsurprising, right? They don’t call it liquid courage for nothing.

However, in the second part of the experiment, 94 men were asked to taste test a new fruit cocktail, but were told half of them would be given a non-alcoholic version. (My guess is that 90 out of 94 of the men made a snide comment about the drink being "girly" but they secretly loved it.) They were asked to give a filmed message about the new brand, and then to watch their film and evaluate their own performance. Here’s where it got interesting: Those who believed they had consumed alcohol gave themselves a high assessment, and those who thought they didn’t gave themselves a low assessment….even if they were incorrect about whether or not they’d in fact had alcohol. So basically, just thinking that you've had booze makes you have a better opinion of yourself--no actual alcohol intake necessary.

As for what other people think about the cocky, possibly drunk dudes, a panel of independent judges also watched the film presentations and rated the men who thought they were hot stuff as actually being less attractive. This is similar to seeing your friend's pictures from last Saturday night when you were doing those totally sexy dance moves at the bar only to realize OMG I looked like that?!?! Ahem.

These experiments were largely conducted on men, but if I had to guess, I'd say the effects on women would be similar. Just in case though, we Smitten bloggers have conducted our own experiments on the ways alcohol affects the ladies. We concluded that it may cause you to ruin a romantic evening and/or reference Legend of Zelda during sex. Whoops.

Do you feel better about yourself after a potent potable? Are drunk guys actually a major turn off? What stupid things does too much alcohol cause you guys to do?

More boozy articles:
*The DOs and DON'Ts of Drunk Sex
*Dating Poll: On Average, How Many Alcoholic Drinks Do You Have On a Single Date?
*Drinks Decoded: What Your Favorite Bloggers' Drinks Have to Say About Them...If Anything!

Racy Getting-to-Know-You Poll: How Often Do You Masturbate?

OK, I know this question is bit more personal than ya'll may be used to, but it's worth discussing. In fact, masturbation is not only fun, it's also healthy and safe! Plus, it's a fantastic way to explore your body and learn what feels good to YOU!

According to a 2008 British survey of 18,000 women ages 18-30 92 percent of women said they go at it alone. Researchers also found that as many as two-thirds masturbate around three times a week. That sounds about right to me. But in the interest of getting to know you all a bit better, tell me, how often do you like to fly solo?

Annnnd the Internet Continues to Makes Live Girlfriends Redundant (Thanks for Nothing, GirlfriendHire.com)

Ladies, we've been outsourced once again by a new site, GirlfriendHire.com. Then again, what if we are all the girlfriends for hire and we don't even know it? (Cue Twilight Zone theme.)

Last I checked, most guys don't want their girlfriends blowing up their Facebook wall,but according to a recent post we spotted on TheFrisky, apparently a new site's planning to make a killing on just that. Because this is the future! The website links up dudes with girls who are willing to establish any kind of remote, semi-sexual but not explicit relationship with them in exchange for $5. Apparently this includes sexting, letters, video messages, help with homework, Facebook bombing, sending you pictures, sharing what the site's calling "female secrets" (tell me?!) and even staging an electronic breakup when the time comes.

Here are some of the requests from actual guys:

"Have a fake Facebook fling / relationship to make GF jealous."
"Flirt with this guy so his gf breaks up with him."
"Be my fake girlfriend for 6 months on Facebook. Would like pics together."

And some of the offers from the "girlfriends for hire:"

"I will offer fashion advice for $5! I have an artistic background and have a great eye for patterns and color combinations! I can offer fashion advice..."
"I will _____ for $5. Use your imagination, but not your dirty one ;0)"
"I will fake being your girlfriend on Facebook for $5. I can change my relationship status and be your girlfriend on Facebook during 1 week."
"I will tell you how get any girl for $5 I will help you to make a girl fall in love, or just want to be touched deeeeeep inside by you, if you know what I mean."

Yo, I have no idea what she means, do you?

The funny thing is, aside from sounding like subplots from Cruel Intentions, a lot of these offers and requests sort of correspond with what I've always assumed guys consider the "nagging" elements of a relationship. I always assumed that the constant texting, messaging and gChatting were the things that dudes put up with for the BJ's. But in this BJ-free context, what's the up side besides convincing all your friends you have a girlfriend? Honestly, if I knew a guy who used this service, I'd judge him so hard.

What's in a Name: Can We Please, Please, Think of a Replacement for "Getting It In?"

I hate the phrase "get it in." I admit, I use it, but I hate, hate, hate it. Let's right our wrongs.

It's Thursday, and that means it's Let's Complicate Everything By Discussing the Semiotics of Sexual Language Day!

Think about how you talk to your girlfriends over brunch about a steamy night you had over the weekend. What phrase do you use to refer to sex? Whether your go-to is "doing it," "banging," "f*cking," "making love," the Jersey Shore-sanctioned "getting it in," or any other colorful slang, there may be more to your sexual verb choice than you think, suggests this piece in the Daily Northwestern. "Getting it in," for example, objectifies the woman as nothing more than a target. Or, say, a pie.

Honestly, why listen to dudes who also made up the term "grenade" to describe a woman they don't find attractive, and who spend their free time intentionally banging their heads into walls and getting concussions? They've got one brain cell between them (if it hasn't drowned in a pool of Ron-Ron juice), and we've got a veritable think tank of clever ladies right here. Just look at the amazing alternatives you came up with for "doggy style." So let's get to work.

I'll kick this off! Former Smitten writer Rosemary once dished that she has a friend who refers to sex as "hot stepping" because when she lost her virginity, "Here Comes The Hot Stepper" was playing on the radio. Pretty good, right? (Also, this tangentially allows me to give you all this awesome gift once again. Whaaaat a delight.)

12 Perks of Dating a Baseball Player

Are you ready for baseball season? We are! Here are 12 good reasons why.

A baseball player…

…plays well with others

…understands the three strike rule

…can run in a straight line (you’d be surprised how many men can’t do this)

…doesn’t fall for crazy pitches

…understands that getting to third base takes commitment

…knows how to read all the signs

…looks good in pinstripes

…quotes The Sandlot (“FOR-EV-ER”)

…knows how to handle his pop-ups

…doesn’t mind taking a walk

…isn’t afraid of a change-up (get that pixie cut, girl!)

…has a solid piece of wood.

—Written by Emily Winter for HowAboutWe.com

Meet the First Couple to Get Married After Meeting on Chatroulette

Once upon a time there was an American woman (23) and a British man (28) and a bunch of random penises (various ages and shades), and they all met on Chatroulette and lived happily ever after!

You guys remember Chatroulette, right? The random-video chat craze from a few summers ago? It blew up so hard and fast that New York bars were having "Chatroulette karaoke nights," when performers would regale whoever was on the other end of the webcam with a serenade (I totally did it once and sang "Magic Man" by Heart). But by and large, it featured troublemakers, people who cruelly pushed "next" prematurely, and, most infamously, voyeurs. In layman's terms, if you've never been on it... frankly, there are more penises on there than in a men's locker room.

Which is what renders newlyweds Alex and Siobhan Rogers so incredibly, ridiculously lucky. The two met during their mutual first visit to Chatroulette (aw, virginity metaphor) in November 2009, according to the Daily Mail.

Alex remembers, "I just really fell for her. There was some spark and it was a bit flirtatious, and we seemed very keen and interested in each other."

"We spoke for six hours!" says Siobhan.

Afraid they'd never speak again after hitting "next," the two began a long-distance relationship via Facebook and Skype. In April 2010, Alex flew to Michigan to meet Siobhan's family, which the couple admits was strange at first, but her parents warmed up to him quickly (understandably, as the charming Brit is basically human Kryptonite). Eventually Siobhan quit her job and moved to London to be with Alex, where they now live. He proposed in February. Finally, they married last year--in Michigan. (Holla at compromises)!