6 Ways to Get Excited About Dating Again After a Breakup

We’ve talked a lot about the past this week on Smitten: breaking ties with our exes and getting closure. Talking about making progress is the same thing as actually making progress, right? Great. Now let’s talk about facing our dating future.

Now that I’m past the breakup misery stage, and I’ve had lots of time to myself, I’ve been struggling with how to psych myself up for getting back in the dating game for real, not just aimlessly lurking on Match.com or spending weekends with sexy foreigners I'll probably never see again. I finally moved out of my hometown (and my parents' house, which let’s be honest, was a real ladyboner-killer for dating) and I’m getting my professional life a little more in order, so I’ve been thinking that it’s time to start thinking about getting my love life back in order as well.

But ugh, you guys! Dating, am I right? It’s expensive and exhausting, and when it’s not going well, it’s so disheartening. Not to mention that after my nasty breakup, I've got a big old chip on my shoulder about how it might all end that makes me not want to even bother sometimes. However, I don't want to be single forever. It can be great, of course, and I don't mind enjoying the single life, but I do aspire to be part of a twosome at some point in my future. That means I've got to start dating sometime.

Here are some of things I do to try to psych myself back up and keep my enthusiasm at an appropriate level:

Break out of patterns. Just changing up my routine, like going to a different coffee shop to work, gets me all excited about trying new things. And dating/new relationships are all about the new and different.

Do some shallow self-confidence boosting. Little things like a cute haircut or a great new lipstick make me feel sexy and ready to go out and meet men.

Do some serious self-confidence boosting. Spending time with my family, the people who love me most in the world, and making a career change have both been game-changers in my self-confidence. Feeling truly good about myself, not just like I look nice, is essential for me before putting myself out there for dating.

Go out and have fun...but limit the drinking. Obviously, nothing really gets a girl back into going out like actually going out. It's fun, remember? I am working on toning it down a bit though, because that fourth glass of red that I really didn't need can be all the difference between an upbeat, cheerful night and a session of sobbing in bed that no one will ever love me again.

Keep expectations low. It helps to think of a night out or a first date as exactly what it is: just a few hours of time, not necessarily a life changing event. Plus even if it's a disaster, I may get good blogging material out of it. That may not be a universal inspiration.

But not too low. Sometimes when I'm eager to get the dating ball rolling, I'm tempted to say yes to the first guy who comes along just to get back in the game, even if I'm not super into it. That never ends well. I can't be so anxious to be dating that I sacrifice chemistry and connection. It keeps my spirits up if I remember that I'm fine with being single until the right guy comes along.

Spend time with happy (but not annoying) couples. Hanging out with couples that I love together reminds me that successful relationships are possible and totally worth the occasional trauma of dating.

So those are the things that are working for me. Kind of. I'm still pretty hesitant but it's getting better every day. I'd love to hear your tips and advice!