How Romantic Tearjerkers Actually Make us Happier

Apparently, watching sappy tragedies make us grateful for what we have! Congratulations, you are now allowed to watch P.S. I Love You somewhere other than on a plane.

I believe it was renowned scientist Celine Dion who first discovered autocardio-continuity, and she was right: Our hearts will go on and on.

According to a study out of The Ohio State University, reported by Science Daily, tragic movies make us think about our closest relationships and bring attention to the positivity in our lives. Interestingly, it was those viewers who actually thought about their loved ones who experienced an increase in post-weepy-movie happiness; meanwhile, those who approached it from a self-involved angle (e.g. "My life is so much better than these characters' lives") did not feel happier afterward.

The lead author of the study, Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, ties her results in with prior research that has suggested that negative moods make people more thoughtful and introspective, whereas "positive emotions are generally a signal that everything is fine, you don't have to worry, you don't have to think about issues in your life."

The results were determined by sitting down 361 college students at a screening of Atonement, the 2007 wartime romantic tragedy with Keira Knightley. They were asked to rank their happiness before, after and three times during the film, and many participants reported that it let them to reflect on and appreciate their relationships and goals.

To be honest, I'd love to see a study like this done along gender lines--as in, how many dudes wept and reflected on tragic war casualties Cecilia and Robbie? And are they single? And are they husky? Are they all in Ohio? (If so, Gena, get on that!)

And the Cities That Value Sex the Most (and Least) Are...Did Your City Make the List?

L.A. and NYC have a bit of a long-standing rivalry, which honestly I don’t understand because they're both awesome in different ways. Like avocados and pork buns—how can you expect us to choose? But in terms of which cities with the highest concentration of singles who think sex is vital to a relationship? The winner is clear…

Chemistry.com conducted a survey of 10 million people and discovered that certain geographical locations valued sex over others. Who woulda thunk it's as simple as where you live? And why am I not surprised that the home of scantily-clad beach babes topped the list? Check out the rankings below.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry.com's chief scientific adviser, divulged her reasoning for the rankings (and it's not as simple as rollerblades and bikini tops!). Because the question was part of a larger test, she was able to further break down the statistics like this:

“When it comes to cities that value sex the least, Builders dominate in these cities and are likely to be more expressive of the serotonin system in the brain. Elevated serotonin can dramatically reduce one’s sex drive and sexual response. This is why serotonin-boosting anti-depressants (like Paxil and Zoloft) regularly jeopardize, even kill, sexual interest. These drugs flood the brain with serotonin.

On the other hand, I am not surprised that Explorers top the list. Explorers are likely to be more expressive of the dopamine system of the brain. And dopamine triggers the production of testosterone-the hormone of sexual desire in both men and women. . Explorers also like novelty, excitement and the pleasures of the senses. So for them, sex has it all.

Lastly, Negotiators came in second on the list of members who value sex the most in relationships. Negotiators believe romance is essential to a partnership. So these men and women devote real time to cultivating romance-bringing home thoughtful gifts to their mate, leaving love notes when heading out of town, making special phone calls to keep in touch, or orchestrating a surprise weekend get- away. They keep the intimacy alive with imaginative daily acts and sex is part of this.”

So much for everything I learned from Sex and the City. Good thing Hoboken, N.J. is just a short train ride away...

The Surprising Effects Birth Control Might Have on Your Relationship (You Want the Good News or the Bad News First?)

You may take birth control to purposely affect your relationship--specifically to keep your relationship baby free, for now at least. But the pill may be affecting your relationship in ways you never anticipated...

According to a survey of 2,500 women in various countries, women who used birth control when they met their significant other were less attracted to their partner and less sexually satisfied. Yikes! That's especially disappointing because it seems like a lot of women choose to be on hormonal birth control in monogamous relationships so that sex can be more enjoyable without condoms.

However, it wasn’t all bad news for relationships. Pill users reported being happier with non-sexual aspects of their relationship and were actually less likely to break up. Previous lab research has shown that women who use birth control aren’t as attracted to “masculine” men with higher testosterone levels. Researchers hypothesize that this could account for the increased relationship stability among women who use the pill--men with lower testosterone tend to be more faithful.

Because of these findings on the effects of birth control on relationships, the psychologist who headed the study even suggests that women who were on birth control at the time they met their guy might want to consider going off the pill for a few months before getting married to test whether their feelings remain the same. Whoa! That seems pretty extreme. You should probably talk to both your doctor and your boyfriend before making that call.

Sheesh, less sexual satisfaction and possibly fake feelings for your man? Oh, and let's not forget these possible effects of using birth control: getting fired and being called a slut. It has been a rough time in birth control news lately. Feel free to chime in with reminders of all the great effects birth control has for women too.

Would You Tattle on a Cheater If Your Friend Was the One Cheating?

In recent years, I've determined that there are times when it's appropriate to stick my nose into someone else's relationship and times to keep mum. Knowing when to do it is the difficult part. So say, for argument's sake, I had a really good friend who was cheating on his serious girlfriend. Do I say something or not? (P.S. I need your help).

Here's the situation:

I have a friend who has been with his girlfriend for two years. He's always going on about how he's going to marry her someday and blah, blah, blah. The "blah, blah, blah" is because while he's gushing about her being the best thing ever, he's also been cheating on her. It's never with the same girl, and sometimes it's only hardcore flirting, but the whole thing makes me really uncomfortable.

The thing is, I'm not close to his girlfriend at all. My allegiances are with him, and his friendship is important to me. Is it worth sitting him down and telling him how uncomfortable I am or that I'm considering telling her? If I do, I assume he'll tell me he's not cheating anymore and then make sure I never find out in the future. Or do I go behind his back and tell his girl? That seems deceitful, and I don't think I could live with myself. I guess I could also just let the relationship play out, but then I feel like I'm in on it and guilty by association.

What do you guys think? You all had such amazing advice about prenups (just last night my best friend Madhu said how impressed she was with your comments), I was hoping to turn the tables this time and be the one to ask for advice.

A Comprehensive, Semi-Serious Menu of Comfort Foods for Different Kinds of Breakups

Ben & Jerry's, though a classic, isn't appropriate for every single bad-breakup occasion.

Having a relationship issue? Here's what you should eat during these tough dating times--because, as you guys are aware by now, I am an anthropologist who knows everything.

Being cheated on: Five Oreos.
Being cheated on again: Pack of Double-Stuf Oreos.
Being cheated on at a yoga retreat in the Catskills: Vegan Oreos!
Breaking up because you're headed for different colleges: Pizza.
Breaking up because you're headed for different high schools: Lunchable's Pizza.
End of ambiguous non-relationship:Salad with fried chicken and fried eggs in it. (This one is good!) Supplement with macaroons.
End of long-term relationship: White wine, salads, Greek yogurt, air.
End of long-term relationship because he's marrying a 25-year-old clothing store buyer: Cosmos, AM I RIGHT, LADIES? And This, if you can find it.
Post-third date vanish: Quesadilla, one jalapeno margarita.
Post-fifth date vanish: Burrito, three jalapeno margaritas.
Annulment: Quervo Gold, even though that's what got you in this mess in the first place, right?
Left at the altar: Go ahead and have that Ben & Jerry's now.
Boring marriage: Every recipe from the Barefoot Contessa-- you have that much time on your hands. Also, if this is an episode of Desperate Housewives, your strapping young landscaper.
Divorce: Your feelings.
Death: I made you a casserole.

What Does Romantic Closure Mean to You?

Smitten blogger Gena asked what romantic closure was a few days ago, albeit more obliquely. Here's what closure means to me:

There was this show called Kingpin in 2003 that my mom, sisters and I really liked. It only ran for one season on NBC, and it was about this Mexican drug lord and his flunkies and his erratic blonde wife. Clearly they were trying to channel a Casino thing. Bobby Canavale was in it. Whatever. Anyway, like all those other one-season shows that are canceled prematurely, a cult fanbase develops around this show and demands a movie, except all of the actors have moved on by now, and there's so much hype that the movie could never live up to everyone's expectations, and--point being, closure! We all need closure!

But back to relationship closure. Even though I'm not guilty of opening old cans of worms there, I think I do have a habit of poking holes in the top of the can and looking in from time to time. When I do, I'm all like, "EWW! AND YET, I MISS THOSE WORMS, NO I DON'T, YES I DO?" And then I poke the worms and run away. Does that make sense? To clarify, I'm not talking about getting over a guy I went on a few dates with--all that really takes is hot yoga and a jalapeno margarita. Unfortunately, what I'm referring to is slightly more complicated, exacerbated by coincidental encounters and my unfortunate proclivity to drunk text. (I know.)

On the bright side, we learn stuff from poking the worms. But ugh, it still sucks. But like, a Kingpin movie would very likely double-suck, so it's a Catch-22. If lead actor Yancey Arias happens to be reading this: I am rooting for you. Maybe you should consider breaking your pattern and trying out for some comedies.

The DOs and DON'Ts of Dating an Older Man

Are you dating an older fellow or thinking about dipping your toes into that more mature water? Well, my dears, you’ve come to the right place. I’m dating an older man, you know. Oh yes, it’s quite thrilling. I’m an expert on the topic. Okay, fine, J is only four years my senior. But I’ve been watching New Girl and compiled a list of DOs and DON’Ts from Jess’s experience dating the sophisticated Dermot Mulroney as Fancypants, who’s a whopping twelve years older. And I’ve added a couple of my own tips for good measure, since I am the younger woman and all.


DO learn from your man who’s been there before you. J plays the “when I was your age” card quite a bit and I’d get annoyed if he wasn’t right and offering me such good advice.

DON’T point out how “cute” his first grey chest hair is (OOPS). Or, in Jess’s (Zooey Deschanel's character, for those of you who aren't fans yet) case, don’t ask about his health: "How's your prostate? We do have to be careful. Our bodies are decaying."

DO relish in the fact that guys get better looking with age, but you’ll always be the hot, younger girlfriend.

DON’T complain about turning “halfway to 50” when he’s “one year ‘til 30”. Or, you know, some version of whining about your age.

DO let him be the man. With age (often) comes maturity and chivalry—take advantage! Cece even tells Jess as she’s first considering dating Russell (the one and only Fancypants) that “he intimidates you because you wouldn’t have to take care of him, he’d take care of you.”

DON’T make your man feel older than he actually is (or date yourself). Russell confesses he hasn’t dated since 1989 and Jess replies, “That was the year I learned to use the toaster by myself.” Not so hot.

DO be lovey dovey, but DON’T nickname him something based on his age (Fancypants is cool, though). Does any man really like to be called your Sexy Silver Fox? Although, I call J “Kid” in this super-cute, ironic way. I think he likes it.

DON’T always assume the guy is just in it to “hit it and quit it”. Yes, there are guys who want to date you simply because you’re young, fresh meat, but that doesn’t mean all older men are just looking for a good time or notch on their belt.

DO be yourself. Whether that’s a mature twenty-something, an immature thirty-something, or a quirky lady living with three dudes like Jess. Or a 24-year-old girl from New Jersey who happens to blog about her relationship. You know.

DON’T use childhood/pop culture references that he will never get. During one scene, Nick (who else has a major crush on him??) starts talking to a girl in college who, he realizes, “doesn’t know what Saved By The Bell is.” For your date with an older gent: as cool as it is, not everyone needs to know that you were part of an ‘NSYNC fan club (cough cough). But, seriously, if they ever do a reunion tour J is SO coming with me.

DO treat the relationship the same as you would with a guy your own age. There’s already enough pressure when it comes to dating, why add more stress and think about the age thing if you really like this dude? Just go with the flow.

Read More http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/03/the-dos-and-donts-of-dating-an.html#ixzz1rMxab279